The Road
I try not to judge people too much. That’s usually followed by an interjection such as “but”, where some people try to justify their judgment on someone. This is kind of one of those.
I haven’t been driving too long. I think around 6 years. I only make a few mistakes on the road: cut people off, run past the speed limit, take a poop while on the freeway. You know. Stuff.
I bring this up because I’ve noticed that people on the road are complete assholes. I find that people are generally nice and all that stuff, but on the road everyone is a complete douchebag. It just sucks on the road. There’s only three modes on the road: neutral, pissed off, or crazy. There’s a combination of those three sometimes, but they’re never good for the safety of others.
Neutral looking drivers are the people who look like they’re robots. They’re robots who are just driving to some random destination to kill someone and they just don’t give a shit. At least that’s what I imagine. I get bored on the road.
Pissed off drivers are the ones who are yelling or look like they’re about to run their car into another car, like a chariot race with those really dangerous spike wheels. Then an explosion would happen. Who thought of those? Really, that’s messed up. Imagine if you went into a chariot race back then and you were racing with someone and they crashed into your chariot with that spikes. The first thing I’d do after rolling on the floor from the destruction of my chariot that I worked so hard on and trying to dodge other racers death cars would be to say to the fucker who almost murdered me, “hey, you’re a complete bitch. I hate you and hope that in your afterlife you burn in your chariot over and over, everyday”. Then I’d wreck his stupid spike wheel so that he couldn’t even have the dignity to ride around the underworld looking like a cool old day Ghost Rider.
Crazy drivers are basically anything else. The people who sing and dance with their windows down like no one can see them. Unless you’re in a limo or a car with really dark tinted windows, people can see you. A window doesn’t work one way, unless you’re in a super rockin’ top secret classified building or being interrogated by law enforcement. Don’t complain when someone on the road looks at you, disgusted because they saw your stupid face dancing around and trying to hit that high note to Lady Gaga’s “Alejandro”. You should’ve known that you could be seen, it doesn’t make any sense otherwise. So don’t complain when that happens.
They’re also the people who get head on the road or something. Those people are crazy. That’s dangerous. Maybe exciting, but dangerous. It’s not fair that you get to have someone lick and/or suck on your genatalia while other people try to watch you. That’s endangerment of people’s lives.
Anyway, back to the judgment thing. People on the road seem to judge your character based on your driving. Which is completely unfair. Which is why people do it all the time. Because people are assholes. It only takes one mistake for someone to think that you’re the worst human being ever. You become the person right above Hitler and the guy who directed The Last Airbender. At this point the person who saw you slip up will become a pissed off driver, possibly combined with crazy. They’ll do almost anything to catch up with you and see your face.
I don’t know why they want to see your face. It doesn’t do anything. It’s not like the angry person will remember that face for the rest of their life and then tell their children about how terrible that face is. Even if they did, what would they do? Would they go to the police and say “HEY THIS PERSON CUT ME OFF ON THE ROAD, IT DIDN’T PLEASE ME VERY MUCH” or “HEY THIS PERSON SPED PAST ME, I FELT HIGHLY UNCOMFORTABLE”? No, because that’s stupid and childish and if you even think about doing that, don’t drive. Because it’s going to happen to you and you better learn how to let that shit go or else you’re gonna be one of the chariot racer drivers and you’re gonna install spikes on your wheels and kill people.
